He Won't Connect
I couldn't understand why my husband couldn't just be a man of his word, and DO what he said he was going to do, or BE where he said he was going to be.
I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just TELL ME how he was feeling. I would get SO FRUSTRATED by his invisible wall of total shut-down.
I KNEW he was struggling, I could feel it and sense it and SEE it on him, but he would NOT share anything with me.
At first, I felt sorry for him. Then I felt SO ANGRY! I would think, "THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!"
The truth…
I was the queen of criticism in my marriage. My husband did NOT have an inch to breath. I didn't KNOW I was doing this. But it pushed him farther and farther away from me.
We are holding a double standard for our husbands.
I see it all the time.
We say, "share your feelings with me." But when they do, we freak out... we either LASH-out or WALL-up.
We say, "Be vulnerable..." But when they expose any vulnerability (weakness, insecurity, or general I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing) we have zero tolerance.
We say, "just tell me the truth..." but even a glimpse of the truth, we recoil. I've literally heard women say "I don't want to see that!" about their husbands weaknesses.
We talk about what a "REAL MAN" will do... and our husbands have this impossible completing expectation shoved in their face DAILY!! -be strong and tough, but be tender and vulnerable, and whatever you do, never make me cry.
The Pressure
This is my call for your "Come to Jesus" moment friends.
The pressure isn't coming from his father or mother, or his workplace, or his friends... the pressure is coming from you. His wife. (Research backs this up.)
This is my call for your "Come to Jesus" moment friends.
If you want connection with your husband...
If you want connection with your husband, you have to choose to be committed to doing the work WITHIN YOURSELF to be able to hold space for him coming down from his white horse... And finally creating a space where you both can be human together.
What we really want…
>>> Wouldn't it be nice to just sit, and breath, and be together without worrying, or resenting, or feeling so lonely? Just feeling safe, and comfortable, and connected.
>>> Or to be vulnerable enough to tell your husband your deepest desires and go on an adventure together to make them real, because you are so connected that nothing is impossible?
If you want REAL connection,
REAL intimacy, like you say you do, YOU hold the key. It will take work. But it will be absolutely worth it. Are you ready to move forward out of this pain?
Hiding Illusion: My husband just won't connect with me no matter what I do. I am trapped in a lonely marriage.
Heart Truth: I am the creator of my life. When I decide I want my story to change, I have the power to change it in a massive way.
Learn more about how we can work together
I’m Melisa!
I breathe intimacy into places where only disconnection lives.
Ready to rekindle the beauty of connection? Learn how we can work together to bring you more happiness, love & joy.
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